heavy fog
the edge of the world
in my back yard
Which version do you think works better? The first has more brevity, always a plus in haiku, but this one may have a slightly better flow to it. This is because the separation between the phrase and the fragment is more clear.
Edward Cody Huddleston 
2 responses to “Day Six Alternate”
It’s close, but I prefer this version just a tad over the first. As you suggested, the flow seems better.
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I like Day Six Alternate better as well.
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